4.0 Dedicated to its Members and Fans of Pokemon A Pokemon Sandbox RP
Pokémon Dubstep (ft. Lindsey Stirling)
W
elcome Adventurer to EPOCH! A Pokemon Sandbox Rp set in the original region of Nue. Everything you need to know will be in the Guidebook and PokeDex 101!
EPOCH uses the Manga and is built on the Original ideas suggested by our members.
We are more than just a Pokemon RP, we're a friendly community with a goal on being a memorable experience for those that look in.
Golden Rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated. If you find yourself content with being an asshole EPOCH and its members will not tolerate you.
RULES
Understand We're All Human. Respect the staffers as well as your fellow members and guests. We all have flaws, tempers and quirks. Be patient with one another, but if issues involving other members come up please don’t just grin and bear it. Contact a staff member, informing them of what's going on so they can address and resolve the situation. The staff won't know what's bothering you unless you tell them.
EPOCH is PG-13. Proboards’ Terms of Service:
Sex; When you get under the clothes, fade to black.
Violence; Do not go into extreme nauseating detail.
Cursing; This is so fucking allowed, but don't go overboard.
Suggestive Content; In avatars, signatures and templates can attract the wrong kind of attention. So be careful.
As the executor of Ms.Kazuki's estate, I have been empowered to read Ms.Kazuki's Last Will And Testament.
Well, get on with it, the bars open soon.
Oh, poor, dear Amber! Waaaa!
Oh, there, there, Danny.
God, how predictably boring.
I never had a kinder friend.
If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.
I knew it.
Heh heh heh heh.
"I, Amber Kazuki, being of sound mind and body..."
That's a laugh!
"...do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly emotional brother, Danny..."
Waaaah!
Danny, darling, he's talking about us.
Oh.
"...who grubbed with his brah, Jason, grubbed for everything they could get from me,
and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy..."
What?
"...To Danny, I leave a boot to the head."
A what?
*BONK!*
Ow!
Danny, you ok?
"...and another boot to his wimpy bro friend, Jason."
*BONK!*
Ow!
Hahahahaha...
This is an outrage!
"...ah, but still, you are my brother, you have both admired my Salamence, and since I no longer need it..."
Oh, dear Amber, she's too kind!
Yes.
"...I bequeath another boot to the head."
What?
*BONK!*
Ow!
Hahahaha...
"And one more for the wimp."
*BONK!*
Ow!
"Next, to my flirtatious sister from another mister..."
Hey, I don't want no boot to the head!
"...to dear Ronnie, who has never worked a day in her drunken life..."
I'm coverin' up my head!
"...I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey."
Really?
"And a boot to the head."
*BONK!*
OH!
"And another for Danny and the wimp."
*BONK!*
Ow!
"Next, to my know-it-all friend, Angel..."
This is so predictable...
"...I leave a boot to the head."
*BONK!*
Uh! I knew it.
"And one for Danny and the wimp."
*BONK!*
Ah! OH!
"This takes care of family obligations. And now, to Ms. Connally..."
Oh, uh, I don't want nothin'.
"...who took care of me faithfully these many, many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea..."
Oh, I didn't mind.
"To Ms. Connally, I bequeath a boot to the head."
*BONK!*
OH!
"And one for Danny and the wimp."
*BONK!*
Ah! OH!
"And so, to my dog Fang, I leave my entire vast...boot to the head!"
*BONK!*
*ARF!*
"And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head...but a rabid, pissed off Zigzagoon to be placed in his trousers?!" Ooohhh!! Oh, huh huh huh huh, and, and,-"
"...and I leave my entire estate of $10 million to the people of Mossdeep so they can afford to move somewhere decent!" Huh.
Is that it?
That's it?
That's disgraceful.
There's one last thing for everyone.
Cover your heads, everybody.
"I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream."
This is the story of the best meal I've ever had in my life, okay? Happened when I was 80 something years old in Mossdeep, Hoenn, where I grew up.
I went to a place called the Slappin' Drackin' Diner with my best friend, Jerry.
'Sup.
We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dot.
So we put in *7 and selected 21 plays of Tom Jones' "What's New Pussycat", and then we ordered and waited.
Here's the thing about when What's New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again.
The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not, "Hey, someone's playing What's New Pussycat again", it's,
"Hey, What's New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought."
And it has a dip in the middle.
The third time it plays, you're thinking, "Maybe someone's playing What's New Pussycat again."
The fourth time it plays, you're either thinking, "Whoa, someone just played What's New Pussycat four times", or "At least someone played it twice, and it's a really long song."
So the fifth time is the kicker.
Now, Dumplin' and I -- we're watching the entire diner at this point, all right? Most people have gotten wind as to what's going on.
And we're staring at this one guy, and he's sitting in a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he's staring at his coffee cup like this.
And he's been onto us since the beginning. And he's sitting there, and his hand is shaking.
He had this look on his face like he had just gotten his 30-day chip from anger management.
And he's staring like this, and the fourth song fades out.
It's dead quiet.
Then -- I don't know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly.
♪ Wamp, wamp, What's New, Pussycat? ♪ And the guy goes, "DAMMIT" and pounds on the table.
Silverware flies everywhere.
And it was fantastic.
(When the cat-pocalypse happens, I'm not saving you guys.)
But a word about my best friend, Jerry, and what a genius he was. Because when we first walked into the diner, okay, when we first got there, and I'm punching in the What's New Pussycats-- all right -- I've punched in like seven at this point.
Then Jerry says to me, "Hey, hey, hey." "Before you punch in What's New Pussycat, let's drop in one 'It's Not Unusual'"
And that is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What's New Pussycats in a row -- suddenly.
♪ Dum, da, dum, it's not unusual ♪
And the sigh of relief has swept through the diner.
People were so ecstatic. It was like the liberation of Kalos.
You know, for years, scientists have wondered, "Can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones' 'It's Not Unusual'?"
Yes, you can, provided that it is preceded by seven What's New Pussycats. It's true.
Dead honest.
And on the other hand, when we went back...
Holy shit. "It's Not Unusual" fades out.
It's dead quiet.
♪ Wamp, wamp, WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT? ♪
People flipped tables.
No one could handle it. No one could handle it!
And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like, "Yep, same shit as always."
Another story I heard about myself This one happened in high school
We had this teacher in high school whose kid went to our high school
Her name was Ms. Albarn and her kid Ramona Albarn went to our high school,
Same grade, same shit, seniors yay.
And Ms. Albarn...
Was an asshole
and one weekend she and her Pokemon decided to leave town
Which you should never do if you're an asshole
and Ramona Albarn decided to throw a party at the teacher's house
Hooray~
And everyone around town heard about it And we all got up individually and thought "Okay let's go over there and...
... destroy the place."
I walked into this party and everyone I had ever met was there
and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world
People were drinking like it was the Civil War and the doctor was coming to saw our legs off
It was totally unsupervised We were like dogs without horses
We were running wild
I walk down - I walk down to the basement They had a pool table in the basement
One dude took a running start and threw his body onto the pool table
and broke it in half
Another kid found out which room was Ms. Albarn's
and went upstairs and took a shit on her computer
So the party was going great!
I'm standing in the basement and I'm holding a red cup ( You've seen movies ) and I'm standing there and I'm holding a red cup
and I'm starting to black out and I guess someone said like... Something, something, police.
And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled
FUCK THE POLICE! FUCK THE POLICE!
and everyone else joined in.
A hundred drunk white children yelling
Fuck. Duh. Police.
With the confidence of guys who have like already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore, you know that like
I SERVED MY NICKEL! YOU COME AND TAKE ME! confidence
but white children
The reason that someone had said something, something, police
was because the Police were there
So a local police officer walked down the stairs and got to the bottom in the basement and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling fuck the police in his face
That he was almost impressed, he was like Wow...
and then he leaned into his walkie talkie and went
"Get the paddy wagon."
And my friend Arietta, who is a coordinator, this woman is clean cut and shit
She grabbed a forty, smashed it on the ground, and yelled "SCATTER!"
And everybody ran in different directions we all ran in different directions
It was like that scene in Ratatouille when the humans come into the kitchen and the rats run in different ways - we all ran in different directions
I ran into the laundry room and I jumped up on the washing machine and I crawled out through a window into the backyard
And now I'm running through the backyard and there was this big chain link fence and I thought
'I have never climbed a fence that high before!'
and then I woke up at home.
On Monday, I went to school, because that's what we did back then
And I'm walking into the school building and who do I see but Ramona Albarn
and she says to me "Hey! Were you at my party on Saturday?"
and I said "No"
You know, like a liar
And she said "Things got really out of hand! Someone broke the pool table,
Someone took a shit on my mom's computer... But the worst thing" he says
"The worst thing is that someone stole these old antique photos of my grandmother, and my parents are freaking out about it."
And I had that thought that only black out drunks, and Steve Urkel, can have
Did... Did I do that?
I figured no, I wouldn't have done that but I was never sure...
Until two years later
Relax.
I'm playing video games with this kid named Zerne that I also went to these old gang meetings with
Two years later, we've quit the gang by now We're playing video games for a couple of hours
and then Zerne says to me
"Hey come here, I want to show you something."
And he takes me into his bedroom, and then he takes me into a side-room off of his bedroom
Never a good thing to have.
He shows me a tiny room that is covered wall to wall
in stolen antique photos from different people's parties over the years
And I said "Why?"
"Why do you do this?"
And Zerne said
"Because it's the one place you can't replace."
That's the end of that story, but how fucked up is that right? That's crazy.